Oppps, we mean win 1st in 13 games. Anywho… Tonight, the C’s take on Kobe “Thats my thing, you know” Bryant. Bryant, who was suspended for last nights game vs. the Knicks for punching Manu Ginobili in the face is looking to extend his streak of scoring 20 points or more in the last 11 games. Meanwhile, Big Al is looking to keep his dominence in the paint. The game starts at 7:30, and Team Oden will be looking to get a strong start early in the game.
Here is a letter from our dear friend Miracle Johan to Mr. Perkins regarding last weeks Celtics vs. Raptors game:
“Dear perk: please waste bosh tonight. not flagrant, just make his bones rattle when he looks in the paint”
There’s nothing better than a good letter to the beast.
This evening we will be opening up our after dinner bag of pork rinds and sour cream onion dip and kicking back in the lazy boy to watch the C’s take on the Pacers in Indiana. The Celts, who have recently lost 11 straight will be looking to get back on the winning wagon, but is that what the fans really want? All we have to say is Team Oden all the way. We figure if we lose the next 10 games and go on a 21 game losing streak, nobody will be able to catch us, and the Mr. Greg (give me my chips and let me sleep) Oden will be ours. Our prediction for tonight is that the C’s will stay with the “New Look” Pacers for 3 and a half quarters, and then when the 6 minute mark hits, we will give up 12 easy points and the 12 loss will be ours. If the kids play, who cares? We here at the beast lair look at it like this, if the kids can give a great performance to us, and we lose, who cares. Really all we want to see is a behind the back pass from Johnny Rondo, or a boner breaking dunk from Perk and we will be happy as a male turtle on top. Oh ya, and can this guy please punch “Pacers Guy” in the face, he is so annoying, he must be related to Jeff Clark in some way.
Celts lose 11th straight, and all we can think of is…
Sunday vs. Washington Wizzers
Okay, we get the point. Zero can make math, adding up stats like Ice Cube moves rhymes (like weight, duh). It’s time, however, that Wizards management grow this crack economy into something that has weight, something that can sustain through difficult games and make runs at the championship. Zero deserves that much. Unfortunately, the Wizards management got lucky with Arenas, the remainder of their roster shows just how stupid the management is — stupid enough that maybe they should hire Billy King after he loses his job in the off-season. The perkisabeast.com Crack (like weight) Staff proffers this ‘to-do list’ for the Wiz brass:
1) Get a point-guard. There are two paradigms for a point guard to compliment the great two, those who can hit the three from the weakside and thereby extend the defense or the point guard that can pass, spreading the offense around, getting good shots for role players and maximizing the weapon by forcing the D to guard everybody. Antonio Daniels might be good as, y’know, a practice player or 11th man.
2) Trade Antawn Jamison. Sure he’s pretty, sure he’s got hands and can block a few shots, but these Wizzers need a Udonis Haslem workhorse in this spot, a sponge for offensive rebounds, someone with some additude. His contract ain’t worth it, man.
3) Liquidate your big men. I hope Brendan Haywood is depressed and his condition can be medicated away, because us short, pudgy, basketball obsessed dudes really can’t stand lazy seven-footers. Drives us crazy. The best quote I read in the last few days, ‘Etan Thomas is just taking their money.’ I forget where I read it, or else I’d give the fool credit, but Shakespeare wrote little more poignant prose.
4) Get a bench. I’d let Jarvis Hayes on my team. I’d let DeShawn Stevenson come off the bench for the second unit. Who the hell are these other guys and what are they doing in the league?
5) Change your logo. That logo looks like a bad corporate logo you spent way to much on some Madison Avenue consulting to get. Out here in Keep-It-Real, California, we can’t respect nobody with a logo like that. But keep the gold jerseys. Zero loves ‘em.
For this genesis of the Wizzers team, we won’t pull out any big guns, just some solid values from the Loire Valley in France. Home to famous and expensive Sancerre and Poilly-Fume whites, Sancerre can also produce very nice Pinot Noir reds in the warmest vintages. But more savvy wine drinkers will find wines from the unsung Menetou-Salon denominization around the corner. Top producers are Pevet, Challier and Tellier. Look for 1999, 2002 or 2003 vintages and pair these Sauvignon Blanc based wines with sea scallops with mashed potatoes and tarragon sauce . Oh, what a smooth jumper. Oh, what buttery scallops. Oh, what a fine mineral finish on this Loire white. Oh, Perk, how you reify me.
