Meet your Republican ticket
John “Bosley” McCain and his Angels
 |
Archive for August, 2008
Attn: Oregon, we have you by the short and curlies
Personally, I like the city of Portland, which is a cool, low key place that seems like a great place to live. But, I have also been to the gawdawful hippie-fest called the Oregon County Fair, which makes me feel, overall, indifferent about the happiness of people in Oregon. Therefore, since you stole our beloved Oden, we, the men of the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, who gave birth to liberty and this great nation in the process, would like to propose a deal. As you read today in Marty Burns article a very big piece of your basketball future lays in our hands. If Miles plays ten games for us this season, your beloved team’s cap space in the free agent rich summer of 2010 will be spent paying the salary of our player. How rich is the irony my friends in the Pacific Northwest. You screw us and now we get to screw you.
Think of that young and loaded team with the ability to sign a Dwyane Wade, a Lebron James? Oh, wouldn’t that be sweet? Well, guess what, it’s never going to happen, unless of course Mr. Miles gets cut in training camp. Therefore, we offer a proposal to you.
First off, we want one of your young big men. You can pick which one. In exchange we will give you back your favorite son Brian Scalabrine.
Second, we want the Oregon County Fair to be closed down. It’s just lame guys.
Third, we want an endless supply of your favorite organic crop.
Fourth, we want Paul Allen. Just hand him over.
Fifth, we want you to build a statue of Danny Ainge in the center of town.
Sixth, we want you to change the name of Portland to Kevin Duckworth (RIP big man)
Seven, we want your coast line. I don’t care how it’s done but I want it.
Eight, I want a public apology for stealing Greg Oden from us and then proclaiming “Rip City is back.” That hurt.
Nine, I want every man in Portland to be forced to dress like Jack Ramsay every day.
Ten, we want you to give the Blazers to Seattle for half the season, because it’s not fair that you get a team but they don’t.
Eleven, we want Henry Abbot to apologize for picking the Lakers in five games. For penance he will have to dress in a Jon Adams type wig and revolutionary war getup for at least six months.
Once we have assurances that these demands will be met, we will begin operations to get Darius cut from our team, unless he plays really well, in which case, screw you all.
 |
A Theoretical Question: Is Kobe Bryant the most unlikeable athlete in the world?
Even if we were to look past all the obvious things about Kobe Bryant that we don’t like: He’s a lousy friend, alousy husband,, a sore loser, lousy teammate and unable to win the big game .
But now we learn that Kobe is also the most popular athlete in China. Yes China, that great bastion of totalitarianism, where dancers are kept in cages, millions of people are removed from their homes by force to build (very nice looking) stadiums, 80-year-old women are sent to reeducation camps, and three year olds are taken from their homes to be trained as gymnasts. But, hey there’s a billion Chinese folks who buy sneakers so why not send our athletes to shill for them? It’s not like Kobe isn’t already getting paid millions of dollars to wear sneakers made in a fully licensed manufacturing facility, he has to go for the trifecta. Ugh, this off season can’t end soon enough.
The official flag of the PUMA PAC
Perkisabeast once again proven prescient: Jason Kidd reveals just how little an olympic gold medal means to NBA stars
We told you not to believe the hype about the (pardon me while I puke) Redeem Team being all titillated about winning the gold medal. Today, we offer incontrovertible proof that NBA players care little about fancy necklaces. Case in point, part time wife beater and alleged groper of models Jason Kidd, cared so little about his gold medal that he gave it to a casino owners wife as a tip. Apparently, Kidd was comped at the casino for a few weeks during training camp, no doubt being spoon fed lousy Las Vegas surf and turf (prime rib and crab lice) by some cocktail waitress dressed up like an airline stewardess.
Wanna bet he doesn’t swap out a championship ring for such plush accommodations. As always fearless leader, when it needs to be said, Perkisabeast is proud to call…BULLSHIT.
“Sounds like my kind of guy”
Reader submission of the day
Umm, okay then.
Thanks Scratchdeez for the find.
Attn: Team USA…It is NOT better to win a gold medal than an NBA Championship
You’d all rather have a title any day. But since we need to remind you…Do you really think it’s a larger accomplishment to win eight games against nobodies from Angola and China than to play more than 100 games against the best talent in the world, playing three, sometimes four times a week for more than seven months? Do you really think that Lebron and Kobe, or are you over compensating just a little bit. Last time I checked, we measure greatness with rings and not a necklace.
Don’t do business with Detroit Pistons
Further proof that bad things happen to people who talk nasty about the Celtics.
Hunter, the backup point guard for the Buffalo Bills of basketball, it turns out is a bit of a scumbag….er, allegedly.
The FBI is investigating a possible mortgage fraud that may involve the 15-year veteran fleecing a school janitor. Let’s take a look.
“On March 30, 2007, Lindsey and his wife, Ivy, added McClellan to a bank account they had at LaSalle Bank, according to a bank document. Twelve days later, McClellan signed the loan-disclosure documents.
McClellan’s attorney, Michael Smith of Sterling Heights-based Michael J. Smith & Associates P.C., said he assumes McClellan was added to the account so a credit report would show more assets than he actually had. He said the original loan application listed annual earnings for McClellan of “somewhere in the six figures,” but he was unsure of the amount.
McClellan got two loans: A 15-year mortgage for $250,000 at 8.5 percent interest and a 30-year, $1 million loan at 7.8 percent. Both were from Countrywide Home Loans Inc. The home was purchased from Lawrence and Andrea Wolfe, loan documents show.
McClellan’s total monthly payments — the house has a pool and overlooks Wabeek Lake — were $11,505.62, about four times his monthly salary.
His pay-off is detailed in the file of papers turned over to the FBI.
A one-page sheet is titled “Real Estate Agreement.” Curiously it is dated April 31, 2007 — after the closing — and spells McClellan’s name as McCullen. The form is signed by McClellan, Johnson and Deena Tansil, a purported L&I employee whose Michigan real estate license was revoked by regulators on Dec. 17, 2007.
The agreement said, in part: “The mortgage on the above said property shall be paid by escrowed funds.” It also said it would remain in McClellan’s name for “no longer than one year. On or before the end of one year, the home will be sold, removing Mr. McCullen’s name from the deed and any financial obligations.”
A handwritten note on the agreement, which McClellan said was added when he asked about his payment, reads: “Seller will receive no less than $300,000 at the sale of the property.”
McClellan said he was told one month later that the would-be buyer had bought another house instead, but that other buyers had been lined up.
He said he would ask Johnson or Hunter periodically about the sale and express concern that his credit record would be sullied if the house didn’t sell.
On Oct. 24, in response to another call expressing his concern about the house, McClellan said he was asked to be Hunter’s guest at a preseason game with the Washington Wizards — he said he spent the game in the lounge where the players’ families hang out — and then taken out for lobster dinner.
He kept a copy of his pass as a souvenir.
McClellan said he never occupied the Morningside Way house. He said when he’d drive by the house, Hunter’s car was often in the driveway.”
Of course Hunter and his lawyers deny his involvement and say he is a victim in all of this. But during a slow off season, I think it’s fair game to hurl insults at the Pistons.
Monday morning filler: The Simpsons Opening Sequence
Sweet live action version of the opening
Welcome to Boston Billy
Yesterday, Danny signed the last of the eligible draft picks that the C’s made/obtained by signing small forward Bill Walker who was traded to the celtics by the wizards for cash consideration. Walker, who had knee surgery in July seems to be doing fine, and his rehab is said to be on schedule. Danny has had only good things to say about Walker and his determination to become a part of this team. “Bill’s hard work and skill development this summer has given us the belief that he can be in our short-term plans as well as our long-term plans.”
