Archive for 2006

12/31/06 Matchup – Breaking Barriers Most Sonically – A Preview + Pairing

Metro F’N Natural?!?

12/31 vs. Seattle

    It’s still early in the season, but it looks as if this Seattle team was but a flash in pan now past its prime. Not so for Washington ’s nascent wine industry, the Columbia Valley has been performing like Rashard Lewis ought to in the last year of his contract. Our condolences to Seattle fans and his agent. Nevertheless, pair this game with rising star Cayuse’s Syrah Bionic Frog. The Wine Advocate describes the 2002 as, “expansive, lush and deep,” like the way Ray Allen’s shooting touch would make us feel if he were in Celtic, not Sonic, green. Match this wine with grilled bacon wrapped figs for maximum satisfaction.

Again, Metro F’N Natural?!?

A check up on our old friend RICKY D

Here is a check up on our dear friend Ricky Davis who scored 24 points and 6 rebounds to lead the T-Wolves to their 13th win over a struggling Seattle. Ricky is averaging 14 points, 3 rebounds, and 4 assists for the Wolves this year, and for all you Fantasy freaks, PIAB recommends Davis, his efficiency is 13.85 which is over average. rickydfan12 is still bitter about Doc and Danny shipping this “OG” out of town for Wally (3-17 shooting last night) Szczerbiak. Anyhow, all is set and done, but in this 5 game losing streak, we become depressed and rue the day that ricky was shipped out. Here is a mixtape of Ricky using that pimp juice of his to the fullest:

As a postscript people,
You must ignore the 18 pts and 9 boards from Mark “I put the ass in asshole” Blount. He sucks too much to have it any other way…

Oakland Warriors Beat Down Celtics 110-100

Not High Enough


    - A tough night and Al is still 18 and 7?
    - Perk is a beast and we’ve missed him terribly.
    - Tony’s 20 and 8 is mighty impressive.
    - DWest was 7-11
    - Together, that ain’t bad for the 15th, 24th and 25th pick…


    - We lost and hard. You wanna learn about loss?
    -Al only flirted with the double double, posting 6 turnovers
    - Rondo got 2 minutes

- Gerald can’t have 4 shots and Tony 17

There’s A Silver Lining Somewhere…

Blount-esque Imagery

Ugly Thought of Year:

If you hired Doc Rivers to preach defense, you should fire yourself.

12/29/06 Matchup – In A Golden State –’s West Coast Office Preview + Pairing


12/29 vs. Golden State

Realizing that the greater bay area is a domestic culinary mecca in the center of America’s best wine regions, visiting the Warriors is like visiting your ne’er-do-well, half-wit cousin Larry in Saugus. You know, Larry with the plastic reindeer and inflatable snowman in his yard, Larry with the christmas lights that never come down. You remember Larry. With respect to Ellis and Nelly (prostitutes, politicians, ugly buildings and second rate nba coaches),I’ve never understood the raison d’etre of this organization, aside from providing the entry after ‘golden shower’ in the Perktionary. Baron Davis has less style than an El Dorado Zin. Take with crisp, inexpensive, fruity whites like Dr Loosen Eroica, 2004 Navarro dry Gewurztraminer or a Beringer Alluvium. Pair with deep fried baby artichoke hearts stuffed with pepper jack cheese for a winning combo.

Late Night Flu Bye – Beast Lair Clipped By Illness

We won’t make spurious excuses in an attempt to placate you, our faithful reader(s), we were sick and tried to drink our way through it. One should never follow the medical advice of anyone named Bukowski, even if you paid ten dollars for it. Notes form the L.A. Debacle

    Wed, Dec 27 11:01pm

      G is first in the books with a swung three out of the blocks but he’s got 2 early fouls- we silentlyawait Our Sensei- It has been too long – we will stay quiet, we will not beg- down, 15, we get our wish – Welcome Back Beast Sensei, that 7 nothing run you inspired has us silenced.

    Wed, Dec 27 11:16pm

      Our Teacher is the game’s equivilent of Salmon Pour Un and suddenly TA is blowing up with a page out of Pierce’s book – it isn’t a mistake that Perk comes in and now we’re down one with 33.2 left in the First and we know, though the numbers may not record it, that you, Sensei, are responsible. Perk You are a beast.

    Thu, Dec 28 12:20am

      Is there a point to any of this? We can’t buy a moment of clarity as the game slips through a Donnie Wahlberg monologue – we might even agree with every last thing Donnie said but even Donnie would have to agree listening to a Donnie Wahlberg Monologue while a game to the Clippers slips away is a fine definition of hell to most people. Donnie, you’re alright kid, but come on, we’re getting killed by the Clippers…Okay, on further reflaction, It is Mike Gorman, and even the NKOTB could find that intimidating. At least Rondo’s playing shoeless….

The Beastman Cometh Back!

Welcome back Beast, we missed you.

12/27/06 MatchUp – The L.A. Clippers –’s West Coast Office Preview + Pairing

12/27 vs. LA Clippers
The Clips are finally emerging from the long crosstown purple and gold shadow, much like syrah in california is emerging from the shadow of bordeaux varietals. Try Elton Brands meaty low post game with these young but approachable current releases from the 2004 vintage: JC Cellars Ventana Vineyard, Novy Family’s Garys’ Vineyard or new kid on the block Broc Cellars Bennett Valley sex bomb. Pair with steak and chimichurri toasts for a tasty matchup.

ClipJoint Toasts

The Beast Lair Calls in Sick – Celtics Lose 116-105

Hazy Holiday Flew Crew

The Christmas flu has hit the Beast Lair hard. Runny sniffles and a heavy man’s cough, they are the Christmas cheer for the weary. The Answer sometimes is cough syrup and a ten-year tawny. The best way to deal with a cold some times is to eliminate the feeling emanating from the legs from the equation, less to ache. We tried taking our Beast Notes on the Beast Lair Communicator. Reception was spotty at best:

    Tue, Dec 26 9:41pm

      Al’s got the first two of the night and all those touches in the opening possession are the kind of late x-mas action we love here in the Beast Lair – DWest is scoring from the 1 – We’re not great at the defensive end though everybody agrees we’re active – we’re obviously the road team by the calls but it’s only a two point lead for Denver…
    Tue, Dec 26 9:49pm

      Gerald ties it to open the 2nd – oh my goodness, do we love Gerald Green – there’s an energy that has us up 3 minutes into the 2nd – Ginger Beer and Dark Spicy Rums make us dark and stormy anyway…

    Tue, Dec 26 10:11pm

      Boykins and Iverson try to out small us and the swing is 10 points and the Nuggs are suddenly up 6 – It’s 12 when DWest goes down – Team Oden thinks they can hear the balloon deflating – foul trouble comes in waves – we’re vomiting in unison…

    Tue Dec 26, 10:57pm

      It’s a 10-point Denver lead heading into the 4th and we ain’t done anything so far that says “Go To Guy, Lead Us to the Promise Land.” We want mad stops and a savior to pull this out – it’s too late to count on Santa…

There is another run in us but the notes on it are spurious and neglectful rants of vitriolic hatred unbecoming the inhabitants of the Beast Lair. Sometimes Port Wine and Cough Syrup have a voice all their own. The 16 and 15 and over 50% shooting from Al Jefferson is nothing short of “Fredrick’s for Christmas” dirty and we did love that. We dug Gerald’s 18, 18 4, 2 and 2 – fill up the columns G – but the fouls were too often and our performance too spotty and now DWest looks like he’s in for a rest. The Beast Lair needs one too but we’ll be rokin mad late tonight as we visit the Clips in L.A. Look again a little later for our feature on Tonight’s Matchup from the’s West Coast Office.

Matchups – Dispatches from the West Coast – 12/26/06

The Casks of A Mountain Answer

Celtics vs. Nuggets

The relocation of Allen Iverson, Eastern Conference Enfant Terrible, should be a cause for celebration for us, the Crack Staff at Not only do we want to see the much-maligned Answer happy, but it’s been long past time to rebuild for Philly. If only they could trade C.Webb for a seventy fourth round draft pick.
Pull an older (late ’90s) Chianti Classico or two out of the cellar to remind yourself that while brettanomyces is technically a defect, sometimes a little playground action piques the experience. Pair these, and mile-high A.I., with Salmon and Spinach Rolls in Puff Pastry for a tasty matchup.

Rolling up some tasty Nuggets

RIP Godfather

Early Christmas Morning the Beast Lair awakens to find that the legendary James Brown has died. Brown was in Atlanta Georgia for a Dentist Appointment and apperently had a fatal heart attack. Mr. Browns manager, Frank Copsidas, says that he died of a heart attack that occured because of his pneumonia. James was 73 years old when he passed away this morning, and the Funk world is in mourning.

Here is James Brown preforming the song Eyesight: