What a performance. Obviously there are other credits, but Rajon was incredible today. The Quiet Assassin Tony Allen struck again along with Ray and KG. Great game, but Rajon Rondo furthered himself in the Celtics pantheon, and remember only Pierce, Perk and Tony have longer tenures with the C’s than Rondo.
Well, we here at the Beast Lair disagree and didn’t need CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta to diagnose what is going on here, instead lets “Go Ask Alice”!
Dear Alice,
I play tennis at a high level in India. But I masturbate and somehow my friends have come to know and tease me on it. I wanted to know does masturbation have any bad effects and especially on sportspeople? Please reply my question as I feel very guilty after doing it. Thank you!
Dear Reader,
Maybe a repetitive motion injury could result from frequent and vigorous solo sex, but, in this case, your guilt about masturbating is much more likely to put a crimp in your game. As a sportsperson, you know how vital it is to concentrate on practicing and playing your sport. If concerns about masturbation are distracting your attention, then your game will surely suffer. The desire to stimulate yourself, and the handball match itself, are a normal part of human sexuality. Choose to accept this fact (of course, many cultural and religious teachings make this a difficult challenge), and you’ve won the mental match. After that, masturbating might release tension, allowing you to more fully focus on your tennis game. In this way, solo sex is probably performance enhancing. Alice would bet 200 rupees that your friends are masturbating, too. In fact, their teasing may be their way of covering up their own guilty feelings. It’s your game and match, so play on.
-Alice
Thank goodness India’s “version” of Andy Roddick clued us in on this issue! But maybe it isn’t “Masturbator’s Elbow” thats bothering LeBron but rather the “desire to stimulate” one’s self and maybe he’s having trouble with the “mental match”, we’ll never know. Seriously though, how is a guy that could have at least 10 women in any city at any time having problems with “Masturbator’s Elbow” anyways?
“We knew what happened last time when we let up,’’ said Kendrick Perkins. “Doc said we’ve got to keep taking punches. When they throw punches we’ve got to take them and keep coming.’’
“You been hearing about how bad I am since you were a little kid with mess in your pants! Tonight, I’m gonna whip you till you cry like a baby.”
-Muhammed Ali to To George Foreman before the start of the “Rumble in the Jungle” as the referee is giving them instructions.
PG: Mo Williams
He’s been Rondo’d several times this season, but occasionally has been a threat from the arc. This is a huge matchup for the series. Rondo has the advantage in several facets, but needs to cut back on gambling and the help D better be there to recover on the arc when LeBron cuts to the hoop. Beyond his range, there are no other threats. Redz will be in his place in D situations and Williams is there to soak up LeCrab’s sloppy seconds, which I’m pretty sure is consistent off the court as well.
SG: Anthony Parker
Interesting triangle ala Bibby/House here with Shelden Williams being married to Anthony’s sister Candace. Of course in this scenario, Candace is clearly the best basketball player. Ray should be able to handle this matchup to his advantage, lets hope he carries the aggression over from the last game.
SF: King Crab
Pierce vs LeBron is a classic matchup that brings out another side in both competitors. Pierce needs to rely on his teammates to get a lot more done on offense and keep James taking jumpers as much as possible. That said, LeBron should stay in Cleveland and it would be a shame if he did otherwise. The city’s economy is rooted in his success and would suffer so much if he jettisoned to New York. New York does not need LeBron in an economic sense, the Dolan’s are fine, the city of Cleveland does. That said, fuck the Crabs.
PF: Antawn Jamison
Brought in for his veteran influence, as clearly seen with Gilbert & Javaris, so its best we pair him with the Delonte West! Jamison has had his guns blazing in the playoffs, leaving us wondering still what Grunfield got out of this deal? The Crabs get an efficient scorer who can create some shots in the post, but has absolutely lost 5 steps on D. The KG/Jamison matchup is a key part of the series.
C: Shaquille O’Neal
Larry Bird played his entire career with a broken finger, Shaq on the other hand uses the injury to pursue other interests. I mean how did Shaq-Fu not go platinum? Between Ilgauskas and Shaq, the Crabs have the slowest center tandem in the league. While a shell of his old self (he’s Ali vs Holmes at this point), there’s always the threat that the old Shaq comes forth for a few quarters.
In a preview of the Crabs/Celtics royal rumble, we’re going to take a look at the enemy, we begin with the bench. There are two players that draw a lot of respect from the Beast Lair, Powe and Redz, of course Delonte should be suspended right now not on the court, but I digress. J.J. Hickson should be resting up for a Washington Wizards post-season draft, but somehow the Crabs did NOT have to trade him to get Jamison. Hickson and Varejao should give us some trouble, they are the quick PF/SF combo that typically causes matchup issues for the C’s. One benefit of the Jamison trade was that it cuts back on Varejao’s minutes, who’d been a terror for the C’s earlier in the year. Still its hard to be too scared of this guy…
Ilgauskas is in that same category, he used to be a threat but he’s not exactly Usain Bolt in the post. At least he can always go back to his acting career when the NBA dollars stop coming in…
Moon and West give them some perimeter players off the bench. Delonte usually gets Rondo’d on a regular basis (as does Boobie), so Redz is not a matchup concern. Moon is a matador and Tony Allen should give him fits on the other end of the court. Leon Powe is the man, why he left Boston I’ll never understand and going to the Crabs was a HUGE mistake.
Seriously, whats the deal with these guys picking Redz up like a baby? Paraphilic infantilism?
And its runnin’ right up on you.
Celtics win on Pierce’s buzzer beater 100-98
Celtics 106 – Heat 77
So to all the haters who said that the Celtics were gonna fold without Garnett, all I have to say is UBUNTU.
NBA
